One night President Obama and his wife Michelle decided to do something out of routine and go for a casual dinner at a restaurant that wasn’t too luxurious. When they were seated, the owner of the restaurant asked the President’s Secret Service if he could please speak to the First Lady in private. They obliged and Michelle had a conversation with the owner. Following this conversation President Obama asked Michelle, “Why was he so interested in talking to you?” She mentioned that in her teenage years, he had been madly in love with her. President Obama then said, “So if you had married him, you would now be the owner of this lovely restaurant,” to which Michelle responded, “No. If I had married him, he would now be the President.”
get it girl
(Source: lvmrsmn, via purpledame)
12:27 pm • 9 December 2013 • 417,681 notes
PUPPERS LET’S GO GET TURNT WHITE GIRL WASTEYPANTS I’LL HOLD YOUR FLOPPY PRECIOUS EARS WHILE YOU PUKE
(Source: makeafacethatyoulike, via dan-carcillos-missing-teeth)
12:23 pm • 9 December 2013 • 153,413 notes
To the film director.
JUST LOOKING AT THE POSTERS MAKES ME ANGRY HOLY SHIT
DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON ERAGON
12:23 pm • 9 December 2013 • 73,747 notes
WAIT IS IT ACTUALLY GENUINELY A THING THAT AMERICANS DON’T HAVE KETTLES?
BUT THEN HOW DO THEY MAKE TEA?!
by throwing it into the harbor
8:14 pm • 7 December 2013 • 321,907 notes
So to get to 51% of the electorate the Republicans are going to have to pull some votes from previously offended demographics.
the greatest part of yesterdays episode. now wheres the womens part?
And that about sums it up.
JESSICA WILLIAMS IS EVERYTHING AND IF YOU DON’T LOVE HER YOU’RE WRONG.
2:32 pm • 5 December 2013 • 45,384 notes
If I ever see any of you in public, the code is “I like your shoelaces”
that way we know we’re from tumblr without revealing anything
I’m just going to say this to strangers until i find a tumblr person
must keep reblogering!! Im going to be so suspicious if any one tells me this now!
Remember the answer is: I stole them from the president.
always reblog tumblr identification
(Source: aru, via candy-kane-88)
9:29 am • 5 December 2013 • 854,111 notes
People who are younger than you but taller
People who are younger than you but better than you at something
People who are younger than you
Being turned into a llama
A LLAMA?! HE’S SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD!!!
I think this is my favourite post in the history of ever.
(Source: outcense, via candy-kane-88)
4:43 pm • 4 December 2013 • 560,783 notes
don’t talk about tumblr outside of tumblr not because it’s some cool elite website but because it’s fucking embarrassing
No, it’s because we can’t have the people on the outside (i.e. people who aren’t on Tumblr) to find out about this colourful, magical world we log into multiple times a day
see this is what I’m talking about
Who logs out, ever?
4:43 pm • 4 December 2013 • 96,758 notes
Robert Pattinson & Katy Perry drunk and singing Boyz II Men at a Karaoke Bar is everything you never knew you always needed.
(Source: facebook.com, via squarethinking)
11:51 am • 2 December 2013 • 49,982 notes
ok we had to watch this in chem class
thE LAB PARTNER THOUGH I CAN’T BREATHE
this is like a really bad porno
WE WATCHED THIS IN MY ENVIRO CLASS AND WE WERE FUCKING ROLLING ON THE GROUND JESUS CHRIST THE TEACHER WAS BENT IN HALF TRYING NOT TO LAUGH
"Your teacher will clear the other students from the room" AND YET THE LAB PARTNER IS STILL THERE LIKE A CREEP WHAT
(Source: bifurb, via policedog)
11:47 am • 2 December 2013 • 208,084 notes